Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
