Who wears a wallet chain?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
