I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
