# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
