Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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