OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
