I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
