Just cropdusted the office
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
