It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
