What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize