I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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