I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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