When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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