Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
