I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Randomize
