I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Help. Why am I so naked?
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