i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
