I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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