There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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