p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He? As in you personified your dick?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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