In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
