weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
