so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
