Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
