So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He? As in you personified your dick?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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