i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
