We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
