I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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