Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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