"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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