you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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