Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
