Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
