I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
