you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
