He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
