So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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