I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
