two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
