Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
