My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
