i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
