i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
