Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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