whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
