She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
