i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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