I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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