Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
