Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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