Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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