can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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