You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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