Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Couch. On fire.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
