i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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