your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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