the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
