fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
