how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
