This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
