My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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