you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
