i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
