I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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