The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
