Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
