oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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