my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
