you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
