Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
