is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
