my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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