All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mom said you looked used
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
