HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
