I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
