She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
