He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
