You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
