im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
