i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
