I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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